Teaching

I keep writing this same blog post where I complain about my job, and really it just turns into this big negative tirade about how I am frustrated with my work.  Everytime I write, I just keep deleting it, because I don’t want anyone to get the wrong idea.  I love my job and my job has become who I am for so long.  I have watched these amazing little people grow up and learn over the past 8 years.  I just keep getting in this rut that I have to get out of.  We’ve had tests on top of tests and paperwork on top of paperwork. I have felt like I am being ran in all these different directions. I can never get caught up at work.  You get new paperwork that you don’t have time to understand before they change it again.  I haven’t blamed it all on my poor little school, because so much of it has came from politicians and county leaders.  I have supported my little school, because I have loved those little children.  I have met some amazing children and watched so many learn so much.  I have felt the power of touching a life, of making tough decisions, and holding those little hands in mine.  I have played and I have watched.  I spent 7 years teaching Kindergarten and will always be my favorite.  I loved watching those babies come to me and learning how to read.  I got to “borrow” someone elses baby and keep them for a school year. This year has just been impossible and I have now admitted to myself that something has to give.  I think I knew right before Christmas, when I was angrily yelling at my students to just be quiet and let me test.  One of them came over and handed me a little homemade Christmas card with a tree on the outside.  On the inside it said “Merry Christmas to the best teacher in the world.”  Only I wasn’t being the “best teacher,” the “best tester” maybe but not the best teacher.  I waited until two weeks before Christmas to shop or get a tree.  I mentioned this to my colleagues and they all shared similar sentiments.  I mean who has time for all that Christmas hoopla, we have serious work to do.  Who has time to make cute Christmas crafts, we have serious work to do, and by serious I mean test.  I have struggled being moved from Kindergarten to third with only one thing.  It has been to keep the fun and love in my room.  Maybe I was too frustrated to figure it out or maybe I needed more professional development.  One thing that I know for sure is that I am going to make a change in this new year.  I am still debating what exactly to change.  I even have debated on whether or not to write this blog post before everything is lined up and I could make a big reveal.  Mostly I just need to get all this frustration out.  I need someone other than my hubby to know that I can’t take much more.  I know what my heart is saying to do and I just hope everything will work itself out.

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